


don't ever think what i want [could be considered love]

by primadonna



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, i think these two could really use a love interest after everything they have been through, very vulgar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-08
Updated: 2014-07-08
Packaged: 2018-02-07 23:45:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1918650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primadonna/pseuds/primadonna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Either way, it can't be helped and he tries not to feel for her. It doesn't work and he's stuck in this endless cycle of being moral or what is left of his morals anyway?</p>
            </blockquote>





	don't ever think what i want [could be considered love]

Out of all his beautiful, sexy, albeit - psychotic, hell bent on killing him - exes, he never fell _this_ hard for a girl. Sure, he thought he did. Maybe, it was the good head persuading him (who the fuck knows anymore? he's pretty sure half of his memory is erased from being the supernaturals purgatory punching bag) because _damn_ , Kate sure knew what she was doing with _that_ mouth of hers. Or Jennifer Blake, really knew what she was doing with _her_ tongue. Either way, he always thought he was in love. But none of them felt like this.

This consuming, burning, trembling, fucking _horrible_ , kind of love. The kind that no good head (or sex) can get rid of.

Thanks, Lydia Martin. Redheads are fucking dangerous, he swears. Because he _really_ wants head to feel good head again.

***

He decides it happens when his guard is down. Like, right before this Kate turning him in to a teenager shit happened. Everybody was still reeling from Allison's death, and you'd think, that after years of getting use to people dying around him, he'd get use to this, you know? But it hurts. Every. Fucking. Time.

He doesn't think that anybody knows how much it hurts for him. Because - the thing is - he's _used_ to it. That's the fucked up part. So, you'd think that it would lessen the blow. No, it hurts even worse. Because it's something you shouldn't be use to. But he is. And it hurts. And he doesn't want to sound like he's hurting way more worse than everybody else because that was Scott's _first_ love, Lydia's _best_ friend. 

It fucking hurts. But he's use to it so, it never looks like it hurts. He thinks that's why Lydia came over that night. To get away from everybody mourning over Allison, to get a fresh air. He decides not to tell Lydia that _what the fuck? He's kind of mourning too, in his own way._

So, he's there when she rings the doorbell. Looks like every bit of Lydia Martin that he's use too. Except, her soul is sucked and the marrow of her bones are dry. She has her hair down in an array of red ( _strawberry blonde_ , Stiles would emphasize) curls with her lips curling in to a soul-sucking smirk painted the color of anger. As if she's getting back at the world for taking Allison from her. She's dressed to kill (and Derek is pretty sure if he never knew her and had just met her, she probably would have) with a dress and high heels and _is she eighteen yet_? Jesus Christ, he could _go_ to _jail_. So he bites his lips and opens the door without a word, watching as she doesn't hesitate to make herself at home - walking to his kitchen to brew coffee. He lets out a noise of incredulity but stays quiet.

She whirls around. "You should really paint the place. Maybe a nice lavender or pink," she taps her chin and examines the walls. He snorts, "Yeah. Like that'll ever happen."

She smirks and tuts at him and he glowers at her in return. "Now, now. Never say never," she explains and smacks her lips together, eyes glinting with mischief and melancholy. 

***

He also decides that when he starts to lust after her (yes, _lust_ , we're not at the love part yet, but we're getting close) is when she makes daily trips to his house. Always, fucking always, in some skirt or dress and she _always_ has ornaments to place on his shelves, silly things like wolf statues ("You have to admire the irony here, Derek," she'd say and smirk) and big-eyed owls. ("So that you'll always feel like your watched over," she'd say and smile, sweetly.) And she'll always insist that she can put it up by herself because ("Seriously Derek, we live in the 21st century, a woman can handle a little hard work here and there," she'd all but growl at him. And he'll _always_ back up slowly as if he backing down but never replace the fond grin that spread over his face.) And her skirt will _always_ end up, over her butt, showing Derek the cleft of her ass cheeks (and what nice ass cheeks, they are) (wait, Jesus Christ, this is _illegal_ ) and how smooth and - for the lack of a better word - rosy and overall, so pretty. He's never met a girl that had a really pretty ass, always nice but never _pretty_. He decides he likes pretty better.

Usually, her dresses/skirts are modest. Mid thigh, you know. Nothing to pant over. But, it's _Lydia Martin_ who's wearing them and she makes them look so good and _dangerous_ and Derek seriously contemplates suicide because seriously? He is a pedophile.

One day, she came over, naturally, with a box of knick knacks that she thinks will lighten up the mood in here. There mostly pink and frilly and he will be damned if that goes up in his house. 

"Seriously, that looks like you and barbie threw up in it," he complains as he peeks in to the box only to catch sight of the most most nauseating amount of pink and lilac - and what was that other one that Lydia usually reprimands him about? Oh yeah, _Lavender_. ("It's lavender, Derek. You do know the difference between it and lilac, don't you?" She'll look appalled and he gets reprimanded for not knowing the difference between two _obviously_ distinctive colors. Note the sarcasm.)

She huffs and crosses her arms, jutting her hip out while doing so. Derek pretends not to notice her skirt's hemline rising, "Are you insulting me?"

He weighs his head from side to side, "Well not really," she grins and he grins back, "I'm insulting you _and_ Barbie." 

"Derek!" She huffs and Derek _also_ pretends not to notice it almost sounding caught between a sigh and a moan, he _seriously_ needs to get laid.

"How will you ever have a girlfriend?" She taunts and rises one of her eyebrow. He shrugs and walks toward his kitchen, throwing over his shoulder, "Usually when I do - I tend to almost get killed. I think I'll stay clear of women for awhile." 

She walks up from behind him and grabs some cookies from his cabinet, frowning at him. "How can you say that? Just because you had a few unlucky relationships," She stutters when he arches his eyebrow, "Okay, _fine_ , a lot of bad relationships doesn't mean you need to quit trying to find love all together." 

He snorts, "I didn't say I was quitting, I merely stated I was _off_ the market for the time being. Doesn't mean I will stop having sex though," he wiggles his eyebrows and she throws her head back and laughs.

"Sure, sure. All you men are the same,"

"Take it or leave it, baby. This'll is all you'll ever get," 

"Oh, I highly doubt that,"

***

Now, he decides, is when he realizes that he's in love with her and that, none of the best head in the world can compare to Lydia Martin.

After Kate turned him in to a teenager, he gets stuck in Deaton's office with Lydia. He might not have remembered her right then but he sure as hell remembered her after. He remembers the way she didn't hesitate to stay with him (he was semi-conscious) and stood by and held his hand while Deaton and her rattled off explanations for his current state.

When Derek gets turned back to his regular self, he often thinks that maybe it would have been for the best to stay a teenager so he wouldn't have to feel like loving Lydia was so wrong because she's so young. But he's back to his older state and he isn't sure if Lydia likes that or not. Either way, it can't be helped and he tries not to feel for her. It doesn't work and he's stuck in this endless cycle of _being moral_  or  _what is left of his morals anyway?_

Lydia still comes to Derek in time of need or (he thinks) to secretly annoy. But, she never comes in the way Derek wants her too.


End file.
